The husband and I did something silly about a year ago, just as the pandemic was picking up steam in the U.S. We initiated the long and arduous process of home construction. We didn’t construct a whole home, mind you. We value our marriage too highly to put it through that divorce-making nightmare. No, we merely knocked down an old, rarely-used 3-season porch and put a mudroom in its place, then tacked a sunroom onto that to take advantage of the parklike views of the golf course out back.
That it was silly to do this during a pandemic only became clear when we were in the thick of it, when we started hearing horror stories about other peoples’ construction and remodeling woes that ranged from “I can’t find any lumber” to “my refrigerator broke and it’ll take eight months to get the new one I want.” The go-to answer for why these problems kept occurring was always “the pandemic,” which was also, either directly or indirectly, the reason for most of our headaches and delays (though the construction industry is perfectly adept at providing headaches and delays on its own and doesn’t require help from a virus).
Something else that’s occurred over the last year or so is that I’ve slowly—ever so slowly—adapted to WordPress’s Block Editor. Case in point: I’ve only just learned how to get a pair of pictures side-by-side (hint: use “columns”). One feature I’ve grown to appreciate, however, is the slider image option.
I’ve used this feature to great effect (if I do say so myself) for compare/contrast purposes in the final post of my Plan B Travels series and more recently when I displayed open and closed shots of my ingenious new luggage.
The slider image really shines, though, when used with before and after photos. During a game of Free Association, when I say “special effects” you might blurt out Star Wars, Avatar, or Lord of the Rings, but George Lucas and his associates at Industrial Light & Magic got nothin’ on the slider image. It may sound brazen, but I’d say look for this blog post on next year’s Oscar nominee list for best visual effects.
I have this great construction joke, but I’m still working on it.
I have to hammer out a few kinks and nail the delivery. I just don’t want to screw it up.
Which country has the best construction?
Did you hear the amazing story about the blind construction worker?
He picked up a hammer and saw.
Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.
Despite all these modern construction tools, I think the shovel is the most groundbreaking.
Last night, I watched a documentary about how they fix steel girders together.
It was riveting.
I didn’t believe it when they told me my brother was a construction site thief.
But when I got home, the signs were there.
Why do drills have no friends?
Because they’re always boring.
The construction worker was discharged after being accused of murder.
There just wasn’t any concrete evidence.
Why did the busybody roofer do such a poor job on the building?
He was consistently eavesdropping.
What do construction workers do at parties?
They raise the roof.
I was going to end with a little piece about how home construction is a lot like traveling, but after thinking about it for a while, I’ve decided it’s probably more akin to having a baby. Now, I’m no expert on the subjects of pregnancy and childbirth, but I’ve seen enough movies and TV shows—and known enough people who’ve gone through the ordeal—to feel confident saying that the two have an awful lot in common.
- Months of excited anticipation and worry? Yep.
- Huge financial and emotional costs? Oh yeah.
- Unbearable feelings of impatience as the end draws near? Yesiree.
- Extreme pain? Most definitely.
Yes, looking back at my little list there, I’d say pregnancy/childbirth and home construction projects are practically indistinguishable from one another. (Moms out there – back me up on this one.)
What’s more, in both cases, after it’s all over, you’re left with something wonderful you get to enjoy for years and even decades to come. And after a while, the brain can barely recall the pain to the point that, despite the oaths sworn during the most excruciating part of the construction/childbirth, you find yourself very open to going through the whole experience again.
As for us though, our bouncing new fraternal twins—Sunroom and Mudroom—will not be getting a little sister or brother. As the pandemic starts to fade and the last few construction loose ends get wrapped up, our minds turn more and more to travel. But don’t worry. We’ll always bring them back T-shirts that say: My parents went to _____ and all I got was this lousy shirt.
If you found the construction jokes excruciatingly groan-worthy, I invite you to vent your displeasure at scarymommy.com, from whence they came.