How blogging has hijacked my (formerly balanced) life

Prior to this new blobby (blog hobby – see Pros, below) I had a relatively normal life.  I worked.  I had leisure time.  I exercised.  I spent time with my family.  I cleaned (a little).  I cooked and baked.  I crafted.  Now, however, though the general framework of my day-to-day existence is pretty much unchanged (I still have that pesky, time-consuming, travel-inhibiting job, for example), my life feels quite different.  I have become completely obsessed with blogging, and it has altered my life in ways I didn’t anticipate when I innocently typed out my first post just a few weeks ago.  Below are some of the recent changes – both good and bad – unleashed by my new blogging lifestyle.

Pros:

Snacking has decreased.  Don’t want to get crumbs on the keyboard!

Running is easier. As long as my brain is grappling with the just-right wording of a blog post, miles can go by in which I barely register my aching knees and burning lungs. The downside, of course, is having 20 brilliant blog ideas, two miles left to go, the mental storage capacity of a distracted mollusk, and no way to write things down.

This race took place before I started blogging, so there were no posts running through my head – only an expletive-studded rant about the evils of running.

To the great relief of the husband and bunny, neither of whom would stand for it, my on-again, off-again (not to mention futile) obsession with getting a dog has simply evaporated.  After all, who has time to surf canine rescue websites when there are a half dozen blog posts in various stages of production, all needing immediate attention?

Probably the best and most exciting change is that new words and phrases have entered our household lexicon.  (Note: the husband does not necessarily agree that the use of the following words and phrases constitutes a “pro,” with the notable exception of Tech Commander.)

1. Bloggaholic (noun): At the risk of stating the obvious, this is a person who is addicted to blogging.  (It can also be used as an adjective – see example sentence in Cons, below.)
2. to be at bloggerheads (idiom): the tense impasse that occurs when one person’s intense desire to blog conflicts with another person’s intense opposition to that desire.  Example sentence: The husband and I were at bloggerheads when he said I should finish cleaning the kitchen like I promised, but I replied that I had to work on a blog post that instant
3. to be hit by a blog hammer (idiom): the condition of becoming suddenly and unexpectedly inspired by a blogging muse, accompanied by an urgent need to drop everything to write (Note: this is a variation on the husband’s “getting hit by a sleep hammer,” in which he slaps the snooze button repeatedly and ends up oversleeping, usually by an hour or so)
4. Blog monster (noun): a pejorative term applied to this blogger when all housekeeping tasks cease in favor of blogging
5. Blog clog (noun): writer’s block
6. Blobby (noun): blog hobby – see introductory paragraph for example sentence
7. Blog love (noun): attention paid to one’s blog in the form of visits, views, likes, and new followers
8. Blog bully (noun): a term used to describe the husband when he’s applying pressure – usually via verbal or electronic means – to friends and family to compel them to follow my blog.  I, myself, will temporarily transform into a blog bully – albeit a gentler, less direct version… a blog bullerina, if you will – in this year’s Christmas letter.
9. Tech Commander (noun): the husband’s self-proclaimed title upon setting up this blog.

(See my Dictionary of Blog Terms for a full listing.)

Cons:

Usually a big reader, my book and magazine consumption has taken a big hit, and even my beloved crosswords – a critical component of my “me time” morning ritual – are receiving less attention.

Mental focus – except when blogging – has decreased 42%.

I’ve become the least informed person on the planet.  Neither a watcher of TV news, nor a reader of Internet news sites, I have always relied on listening to national and local public radio on my commutes to and from work.  Now, though, with blog posts running through my head 24/7, I don’t even turn on the radio anymore – not even for music.  Ergo, you shouldn’t go looking for any post from me on current events.

When I get hit by a blog hammer, tasks tend to get left half-finished.

An example of what can happen when a blog hammer hits and I morph into a blog monster.

 

Sleep is becoming erratic.  I often wake up in the wee hours and, despite my best efforts to combat it, mental blog editing starts in earnest, irrespective of fatigue level.  Last week I was even discovered typing away at 3:45 am.  Such bloggaholic behavior.

I’ve become obsessed with how many people are following my blog, and whenever I hear that lovely ringy-dingy noise my phone makes each time I receive some blog love, I’ve developed a Pavlovian-esque response (which is to drop everything to look at my phone, and yeah, there’s probably some salivating, too).  It’s particularly dangerous while driving and it takes Herculean effort to suppress the urge.

I’m baking less than ever.  So why haven’t I lost any weight?!?!

Quite possibly the worst side-effect of my bloggaholism is that time spent with my bunny is way down as a consequence of my being sequestered away in the office (Blogatorium? Nah.), a room that he is barred from entering. (For those unfamiliar with house rabbit proclivities, cables and cords are to rabbits what licorice is to this blogger: you know you’re eating plastic but you simply don’t care because the texture is so divine.)

Poor, neglected bunny

And finally, I’m receiving far fewer foot rubs than I am accustomed to.  (I can usually finagle one several nights each week.  The trick is to let the husband have control of the TV and then subtly suggest it, either by pointing to my foot, raising my eyebrows, and projecting a hopeful smile or miming the act of foot-rubbing, again, with eyebrows raised and smile affixed.  But here’s the thing – I actually have to be in the room with the TV and the husband, not hunched over a keyboard in the office, which has been the problem of late.)

Poor, neglected feet

So I guess, as with many things in life, one must take the bad with the good.  I’ve already devised a potential solution to the bunny problem.  I’ll have to take the laptop into the living room, sit on the floor, and attempt to simultaneously rub his head while typing, though I’ll really miss the satisfying feeling one gets with the full and deep depression of the keys on a real keyboard.

Foot rubs?  I’m still working on a solution to that one.

The rest I can live with.